I’m finding it so hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year… Maybe it’s the weather? 40s and rainy is certainly not Christmasy, though I’m sure it’s more than that… As the New Year approaches I can’t help but reflect on all that’s happened in 2012; lots of good, but also lots of bad. The good is obviously graduating college (Valedictorian no less) and having all my best friends finally move back home, but it’s been a pretty shitty year in terms of family stuff and
male newer friends. I really think I have to enforce a strict rule of steering clear of all my straight male acquaintances (with the exception of one or two), at least for the time being.
Granted, I’ve spent the last year hanging out with a very specific breed of “men,” one might put them in the loser category – no college degrees, no legitimate goals in life, view women as objects to be won, etc. But it’s kind of scared me off from getting to know any other heterosexual males, even if they’re not in the loser category. ಥ_ಥ And for now, perhaps it’s better that way. At this point in my life I should be focusing on kickstarting my career anyway, and I have the best damn support group of friends anyone could ever hope for. I just hope this “phobia,” if you will, isn’t permanent. I would hate for these
pathetic excuses for men losers to leave a scar in any way. ಠ_ಠ
Yesterday I flew to Minnesota for my cousin’s wedding. Now, weddings (or really anything that involves family gatherings) are already not my cup of tea, but so far this is proving to be especially dreadful. Last night at the rehearsal dinner my uncle belligerently harassed me for my decision to vote for Obama (which, for the record, I didn’t even bring up), calling me a “stupid fucking liberal that’s going to destroy this country.” I didn’t even get the chance to explain that I am not a liberal, and I actually disagree with a lot of Obama’s policies (but no way in hell would I give my vote to that bigot Romney). I was so caught off guard by the sudden outburst that I couldn’t even scramble to find the words to defend myself, which just made me super angry at not only my uncle but at myself. Even now, over 12 hours later, the ordeal has left a bitter taste in my mouth. ¬_¬
The wedding is in a couple hours, I hope I can somehow shake this bitterness off before then. It’s bad enough the ceremony is going to be super Catholic with a high mass (I have a pretty profound phobia of religion, especially Catholicism), so I already know I won’t be too comfortable as it is. Sigh. Of course I want to support my cousin on his big day, but damn this is taking a lot out of me. In retrospect I probably should have stayed home. ಥ_ಥ
Family issues aside, I guess I should take this opportunity to appreciate all the great things in my life. I’m thankful for the female members of my family (or, most of them anyway), my puppies, the great education I was privileged with, and, of course, for my amazing friends. At the end of the day, you can have all the money, fame, beauty or intelligence in the world, but if you don’t have awesome people in your life who have your back no matter what, it doesn’t mean shit. So thanks guys, and have a happy Turkey Day. ʘ‿ʘ
Apparently the holiday market at Union Square is open, so I guess that’s my cue to get my ass on top of Christmas shopping. Shit. ಠ_ಠ I never know what to get people so I usually end up waiting until the last minute, which of course makes getting presents super difficult (and more expensive). Especially in light of my cousin’s wedding at the beginning of next month, I should probably start shopping (or at least coming up with ideas) now. That’s so much easier said than done though…
Ugh, effort. ⇀‸↼
Went to Muay Thai today and learned how to throw a leg kick (it’s a downward, axe-like kick designed to hit a nerve in the opponent’s thigh that can cause crippling pain – even knock someone out!), but at one point I was so tired I timed my kick wrong and hit the bag with the top of my foot (as opposed to the shin, like you’re supposed to) and I’m pretty sure I pulled something, heh… Leave it to me to injure myself in such a derpy way. Sigh. ⇀‸↼ I hope it feels better by tomorrow so I can go to the gym, gotta keep this momentum going (especially right before Thanksgiving)! But damn this would be easier if I actually enjoyed cardio. I have no idea how people can actually LIKE sweating profusely and being exhausted. And this whole “I feel so good after exercising, all those endorphins just kick right in!” shit everyone says is just FALSE, for me anyway. If anything I feel shittier after vigorous activity. ಠ.ಠ
Annnnnnd I think that’s enough trivial bitching and moaning for the night lol.
Pile upon pile of bleaching bone, and a foul,
WIth now and again a mighty moan to break
on the hush of death–
Sluggish streams, and silver beams of a
Silent moon on high–
God forfend I should meet my end in the
Place where the elephants die!
“The Place Where The Elephants Die” by Cullen Gouldsbury
I first came across this poem in 2004 when I was in South Africa. The reserve I was staying in left this snippet of the poem on everyone’s pillow the first night at camp, which made seeing the elephants up close so much more profound, and even eerie. I’ll never forget it.
There’s nothing like Christmas and New Years in New York, and I don’t say that in a biased New Yorker way – I’ve spent New Years in numerous different places in Europe, and it just doesn’t compare to good ‘ole New York. There’s an atmosphere that’s so unique it can only be found here, it’s indescribable. Even the most jaded New Yorker is slightly more cheerful, and the decorations all around the city added to the chilly winter temperatures that has everyone bundled up is just so cozy. I’m hoping this month continues to zoom by so the holiday season can get here faster, I’m just craving that tranquil comfy ambience, especially after the past stressful months.
I normally don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I think I might. Right at the beginning of last year I started hanging out with a group of people that consisted of a couple dudes I’ve known for years but kinda fell out of touch with and their mutual friends. Turns out this was a pretty shitty idea, and I really should have listened to my better judgment. My best guess for ignoring that little voice of reason in my head (which I usually always listen to) is that I probably missed all my best friends who were away at college, and thought this might be a good way to distract myself. Sometimes you’re better off sitting at home missing people than going out with a bad crowd lol. It wasn’t all unpleasant, in fact in the beginning the group was pretty fun. But as time goes on people start to show you who they really are (and what they’re really after), and in this case, turns only one or two of them had an ounce of redeemable qualities. Ծ_Ծ
So, my New Year’s resolution this year will be: be a better judge of character, and avoid creeps like the ones in that group like the plague. ¬_¬