I’m finding it so hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year… Maybe it’s the weather? 40s and rainy is certainly not Christmasy, though I’m sure it’s more than that… As the New Year approaches I can’t help but reflect on all that’s happened in 2012; lots of good, but also lots of bad. The good is obviously graduating college (Valedictorian no less) and having all my best friends finally move back home, but it’s been a pretty shitty year in terms of family stuff and
male newer friends. I really think I have to enforce a strict rule of steering clear of all my straight male acquaintances (with the exception of one or two), at least for the time being.
Granted, I’ve spent the last year hanging out with a very specific breed of “men,” one might put them in the loser category – no college degrees, no legitimate goals in life, view women as objects to be won, etc. But it’s kind of scared me off from getting to know any other heterosexual males, even if they’re not in the loser category. ಥ_ಥ And for now, perhaps it’s better that way. At this point in my life I should be focusing on kickstarting my career anyway, and I have the best damn support group of friends anyone could ever hope for. I just hope this “phobia,” if you will, isn’t permanent. I would hate for these
pathetic excuses for men losers to leave a scar in any way. ಠ_ಠ
Yesterday I flew to Minnesota for my cousin’s wedding. Now, weddings (or really anything that involves family gatherings) are already not my cup of tea, but so far this is proving to be especially dreadful. Last night at the rehearsal dinner my uncle belligerently harassed me for my decision to vote for Obama (which, for the record, I didn’t even bring up), calling me a “stupid fucking liberal that’s going to destroy this country.” I didn’t even get the chance to explain that I am not a liberal, and I actually disagree with a lot of Obama’s policies (but no way in hell would I give my vote to that bigot Romney). I was so caught off guard by the sudden outburst that I couldn’t even scramble to find the words to defend myself, which just made me super angry at not only my uncle but at myself. Even now, over 12 hours later, the ordeal has left a bitter taste in my mouth. ¬_¬
The wedding is in a couple hours, I hope I can somehow shake this bitterness off before then. It’s bad enough the ceremony is going to be super Catholic with a high mass (I have a pretty profound phobia of religion, especially Catholicism), so I already know I won’t be too comfortable as it is. Sigh. Of course I want to support my cousin on his big day, but damn this is taking a lot out of me. In retrospect I probably should have stayed home. ಥ_ಥ
Family issues aside, I guess I should take this opportunity to appreciate all the great things in my life. I’m thankful for the female members of my family (or, most of them anyway), my puppies, the great education I was privileged with, and, of course, for my amazing friends. At the end of the day, you can have all the money, fame, beauty or intelligence in the world, but if you don’t have awesome people in your life who have your back no matter what, it doesn’t mean shit. So thanks guys, and have a happy Turkey Day. ʘ‿ʘ
There’s nothing like Christmas and New Years in New York, and I don’t say that in a biased New Yorker way – I’ve spent New Years in numerous different places in Europe, and it just doesn’t compare to good ‘ole New York. There’s an atmosphere that’s so unique it can only be found here, it’s indescribable. Even the most jaded New Yorker is slightly more cheerful, and the decorations all around the city added to the chilly winter temperatures that has everyone bundled up is just so cozy. I’m hoping this month continues to zoom by so the holiday season can get here faster, I’m just craving that tranquil comfy ambience, especially after the past stressful months.
I normally don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but this year I think I might. Right at the beginning of last year I started hanging out with a group of people that consisted of a couple dudes I’ve known for years but kinda fell out of touch with and their mutual friends. Turns out this was a pretty shitty idea, and I really should have listened to my better judgment. My best guess for ignoring that little voice of reason in my head (which I usually always listen to) is that I probably missed all my best friends who were away at college, and thought this might be a good way to distract myself. Sometimes you’re better off sitting at home missing people than going out with a bad crowd lol. It wasn’t all unpleasant, in fact in the beginning the group was pretty fun. But as time goes on people start to show you who they really are (and what they’re really after), and in this case, turns only one or two of them had an ounce of redeemable qualities. Ծ_Ծ
So, my New Year’s resolution this year will be: be a better judge of character, and avoid creeps like the ones in that group like the plague. ¬_¬
I still haven’t finished my essays for my DGA Training Program app… I’ve definitely made some headway on them, but I’m nervous that I don’t have full drafts of each essay question by now so I have time to fine tune them. Eesh… ⊙﹏⊙ It’s not even like the questions are on rocket science, they’re just your standard personal questions. But ever notice those kinds are the hardest ones to answer? Takes me back four years ago when I had to write these kinds of essays for college. I found it pretty difficult back then too, I wish I could remember how I managed to push through it. I’m sure I’ll get them done in time for the deadline (December 3rd), I’m just worried about getting them in the best possible shape they can be by then.
Even after this application’s over and done with, I still have an online test to look forward to in February. I don’t test well on standardized tests, hence this makes me very nervous. I’m obviously intelligent (my grades and Valedictorian title are proof of that), but for some reason I just drop the ball on standardized tests. I guess I just over think them? Damn that Virgo moon… Oh well, hopefully it won’t be as bad as I think it’s going to be. Fingers crossed!
I barely recognize my mom these days, she’s just so…different. Throughout this whole election she’s been so verbally aggressive and unreasonably angry, not to mention she’s never passionately supported the Republicans (or, if she has, she was pretty quiet about it growing up). I seriously thought my mom was gonna spit on me or something when Obama won and I was happy about it. She looked at me with such disgust, I was so taken aback. Trivial differences in opinion should never be a reason to be so unbelievably disgusted with someone (especially your own child). I’m still in shock from how she acted that night.
Politics aside, these days she’s just generally bitter and angry, which I’m sure stems from some kind of unhappiness. It’s sad because we’ve always been the closest in the family, and now we can barely hold a conversation without snapping or screaming at each other. At first I seriously questioned if it was me who changed, but I really don’t think it’s me. I don’t even know what to say to her anymore…
I really hope this is just a phase and things go back to normal soon. ‘Cause I’d really like my mom back… ಥ﹏ಥ